Now the sky is a torn up denim.

I finally finished the third piece in my "birds make noise" series. This one is called 'Whisper' because of the colors and because of the subtle power behind it that whispers also have.
I'm happy with it. I want there to be a total of 6 pieces in the series, so that means there's three down and three to go. I'm thinking the last one wish be called 'Silence'... that seems like a fitting end.

In other news, I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed again. I forget how many months I have until I have to submit all of my applications to schools...but it's still looming.
This is the list: Parsons The New School, SVA, MICA, PNCA, SAIC, CCA, and Cooper Union
The more I think about it, the more I want to go to Portland..... I hear it's incredible there. I really have no idea...

Then there's the fact that I'm emotionally exhausted, though anyone who has been fallowing this knows that. (not that anyone is fallowing it)
I'm just trying not to think about it... though then I end up watching movies by myself and thinking about it anyway....

For now I think I'm going to try writing as much as possible....for now. And continue to fail at playing the guitar.

And because I have this weird desire to change my hair every time my life takes a new turn, I will be cutting and coloring it tomorrow. Maybe I'll even put up a picture.

Well, that's it for now.
Good night.

FML

I dont know how I'm going to tell you this............. to your face.....




I think I'm in love with you.

Chapter Eight

swelling.

Up, up, up.

I've never seen an expression be so honest; like dust and trees and cardboard boxes, they just are what they are. You are too.
And though I don't understand every decision that you reach, I can see the gears turning behind your eyes and I know that the spark is not compulsion.

You search. You react. You conclude. You know.

And that's the way it's meant to be because that's the way it's happening. Though, there's still your expressions, your eyes, your blaze.... the rawness of your gaze....
and my honest thoughts to your honest face.

For every bird, last word and shopping cart.

It's amazing how... stagnant the days can sometimes feel, but it's even more so when they're not. When we become stirred, no longer standing water.

The air was nice today; cool, crisp and moving; soft. The walk to class was short.

We liked the same songs.

I've been feeling weird for the passed few days, very hollow and distracted. I feel like I cant concentrate, my mind returning back to the same thoughts.

I guess it just takes time and eventually I'll either forget or it'll just become so vague that it no longer matters.

Oh, and oil paint hates me.

watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep.

I'm trying to learn 'A Wish' by Gregory and the Hawk on guitar.. even though I can't play guitar. I'm teaching myself tabs, which is fairly simple to understand, you just have to know how the song goes.

I'm making slow progress... but I just think it's a mater of training my fingers to reach around the neck and that should take a fare amount of time. Once I train my fingers though, I think I'll be able to do it. I'm good at memorization.

But I hope it works out for me. I'm not going to 'really' learn to play... I'm not muscly inclined, but I would like something to do when I'm just sitting around.... I thought finger picking could be nice.

I also like that it takes concentration... it's a good thing to do when my mind begins to wander to things I'd rather not think about....

I hope I keep with it.

I keep floating down the river, but the ocean never comes.

So another day has drawn to an end. I'm wearing that sweatshirt, the one I wore to your house when we stayed up till 4 in the morning. The one with stripes.

Its the coldest its been all month. I guess that means summer really is over; the season's changing.

I hate dealing with internal struggles, mostly because the only person they affect is me. Not that I want anyone else to be burdened by them, it would just be nice to know that someone else gets the scattered indecision's of my mind.

I should really go to sleep. We're paining in class tomorrow... and I forgot to get jars......

Good night.

I'm sorry I missunderstood, but i'll recover.

So, that's not what I expected to happen... but that's life.

I'm taking a class... its incredible!
Here's a video of me saying so! (:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTKV-r1xeN0

I think one of the most beautiful things about the way life plays out, is that it is not predictable and that things dont always go according to plan.
(500) Days of Summer has a scene that compares Tom's expectations to his reality. It is so accurate to how life actually works, well mine any way. Especially recently.
But it's not a bad thing... there is a loveliness about it.

And it really is beautiful, even if we don't realize it straight away.