Amelie

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you; Not even close; Not even a little bit; Not even at all.

Applying to college has become one of the most stressful things I believe I have ever done and I cant wait until it's all over. I cant wait until I'm in my dorm at were ever I end up, crying my eyes out wishing I was home.
Well maybe not the crying my eyes out part, but I know that is likely to happen.

Anyway, I don't like it and I dont like here, and I dont like waiting. There is only about 8 months left until I leave and that simultaneously feels so far away and so near that I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

I dont like all this waiting and pouring over detail after endless detail. The only thing that seems to get my mind off of all this stress is a good movie. I've been watching them a lot recently, trying to get away, if only for two hours or so.

But anyway,
Between all of that, loosing good friends, being ignored and feeling awkward...I'm barely able to think up new ideas. Hope that stops. Until then....

I know 32 ways to make you smile.

All of this is starting to stress me out, I can feel it building and building.
And the pressures growing and the time is running out.
And I don't know where I'll be yet but I'm trying to stay calm
because I know where ever I end up that's where I'm meant to be.
I'm so ready to quit my job and be done with all this highschool stuff.
I'm anxious and restless and I feel like I want to scream with it all.
I feel like there's no one to talk to and no one to tell. No one who gets it.
And then I met you, and all of that changed.
I didn't feel lost anymore and for the first time I could breath and smile with out feeling like I was procrastinating.
And then you went away and got yourself new friends and that pressure came back and you never did.
I'm hoping someday you might, but for now you'll go your way and I'll go mine.
You'll figure out you who you are and I'll just keep doing what I'm doing until you do.
But there is a one thing I want to say and that's 'I'm still loving you even though your girlfriend is annoying as shit.'

Good night.

asf.

I'll miss you when I go to college.

Here we go, here we go again.

I dont know why I'm still so surprised when people let me down.
I'm too objective..... I giving the people the benifit ot the doubt when really they're just selfish.... and that makes me really sad.
And I keep giving myself to all these people.... and then I wonder why I feel so empty.

But the really sad part is that I know I'll keep doing it.
And I'll still be surprised when the next person turns out to be different from what I thought.

wolf.

NPD

I feel like I'm in a really good spot right now...there is still a whole lot I know I want to do but I think I'm going to be okay.....

PNCA = Love!
CCA = Love!
MICA = Like
SAIC = Scratch
SVA = Scratch
PARSONS = Scratch
CU = Add!

It's just been... one of those days.

I got a little stressed out there today.. just for a minute. But it wasn't fun. I went to the bank to report something about my card being used and the teller was giving me a really uncomfortable vibe ..... and then it just progressively worse.

It's weird. And as I was listening to her say the same thing over and over again, all I could think about was how people act 'professional' and how it's not really how they are in real life.

I dont know..... It just wasn't a good day.


I also had this dream...and I work up sad to realize that it never actually happened.